I Can't Adult Today
It finally happened. I snapped. I "lost my shit" with the Universe.
My morning meditation was different that day. Typically, I sit down, ask my question (currently "where should I direct my energy today?") and I close my eyes to listen. Thirty minutes later I am focused on my target and I feel ready to take on my day. But this time, I saw my own energy. What was that about?
Later, I was driving along chatting with my sister (safely in hands-free mobile mode, of course) and grousing about how drained I felt that day and it was only 10:30am.
I was tired of 'efforting' now so that I could effort less later. My hard drive was full from knowing where my children's socks were...not just in general, but exactly...the one pink sock with the orange polka dots was on the floor next to the dryer. I was fried from handling our taxes. I was burnt from wondering about education expenses. I was heart broken from the loss of a friend and even the chain of passing pop icons that sprinkled my childhood was weighing me down. I was tired of making changes and ending up exactly where I was rather than where I thought I might be (as if where I was wasn't amazing enough...but that's a post for another date...trust me the gratitude is in full effect). The grousing went on for nearly an hour.
Typically after a healthy dumping chat with my sister, I continue my day feeling energized. But this time, I had to pull the car over. I still felt out of balance and out of time.
I threw my hands in the air and said, "Listen here, Universe! I am not insane. I know the definition. I am not doing the same thing over and over again expecting a different result. In fact, I'm following your lead. I'm listening to my heart and trusting my gut. But, I gotta tell ya, I am so TIRED of adulting. When do I get to effort less?!"
So, I sat listening. There was only the hum of cars passing by...or was it the rush of life passing by?
I turned on the radio; only to hear the last bits of a commercial. "There are seven days in a week and later isn't one of them." Then the phone rang.
It was one of my oldest and dearest friends. I gave her my shit. And she used it like fertilizer, "Erica, you have designed your life around helping people reclaim their personal power and live in the moment. And you apply this to yourself in every aspect of your life but one. You refuse to effort less now. Time is a construct. 'Later' is a fantasy."
Everything started to flip through my mind like a film reel...I'm efforting now so that I can effort less "later". Focus on your energy. There are seven days in a week and later isn't one of them. Focus on You. Effortless. Do it now. The Universe delivers...sometimes it takes more than 30 minutes. And there is no guarantee that your next life will be free. So here it is...
How Not to Lose your Shit on a Regular Basis in Three Steps
After you put in the effort.
Step One: You need to reward yourself. Immediately. Our yoga asana practice does this...we work and focus intently and then savasana (we relax, we surrender, we let it fly). You add your gifts to the mix in the work place...you receive a paycheck. You eat well...you feel energized. And so on. This is balance in action.
Step Two: Make a statement of what. What do you need right now to create balance in your life? Avoid the 'buts' that keep you from getting what you need. Like saying, I need a vacation...but I don't have the money. Or I want to finish this book...but I don't have the time. Instead, stay focused on the "what". I need a new job situation. I need a great yoga class. I need a day-cation. I need a fancy dinner with a friend.
Step Three: Own it. Attach a realistic 'by when date'. When do you want this reward to create more freedom in your life? Put it on your calendar. Write down what you need with great clarity and certainty without fear, shame or guilt. Smaller day to day rewards like lunch with a friend. Or buying a new piece of jewelry totally count and deserve space on your calendar. Seeing your rewards past can help to fuel gratitude. So write them down. Larger rewards like that trip to New Zealand will require a how. "How" should not deter you from setting that reward in place. The how will follow. The how is simply new action you must take to get the reward.
On the day that I lost my shit with the Universe, I realized that for me...I needed to "relax harder" to create more freedom in my life. Lol. The irony is not lost on me. Yep, so I've chosen to take my children on their first international vacation. Believe it or not, travel (or rather visiting new places and learning new things) is rewarding/relaxing for me and my family. I've had a million very valid reasons why it wasn't possible in the past...but I only need one reason why it's possible now. It's the reward. It's the balance of our efforts. Do I have any idea how I'm going to make this happen? Absolutely not. My finances haven't changed drastically. My time bank is unchanged. The risks and reasons why not are still the same. But John Lennon had it right, "Life is what happens to you while you're busy making other plans." So the dates are on the calendar now. Having something to look forward to makes the effort...feel a little...well, less. If there is something you'd like to do, somewhere you want to visit, someone you'd like to spend time with...plan to do it now.
Later is the trap that keeps you inside that cozy box...your comfort zone. Later is the dialogue that cushions your fears and doubts. Later is the chorus of the song of your life passing by. But when you truly decide something is worth the reward...you make the time and find the way. Later becomes now. Now you are happy. Now you are free. Now you are where you are meant to be.